Before you read any theory about how I, as the CEO of terror group al-Qaeda, was killed by Joe Biden, let me walk you through my own story of love, lust and betrayal.
As your favourite General Twitter, I flew on a carpet to heaven, only to bring you the true story of my BFF, the fallen al-Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri, in his own words. This is a dispatch from heaven. Over to my BFF.
Yes, I can now confirm that I am dead. But was I alive? You wouldn’t know as neither did I.
In my life people used to lovingly call me AAZ because it took them longer to say Ayman al-Zawahiri. This is much like how my friend Osama bin Laden was nicknamed OBL. I liked calling him Obama bin Laden, though. I am now reunited with my old friend whom I lost in 2011 in Pakistan. What better time than the Friendship Day to join OBL after eleven years? Brothers in life, brothers in death! This is the new Muslim Brotherhood. We are back together and from the heaven we begin our new jihad. Beware world, our killing spree isn’t over yet.
Before you read any more theories about how I, as the CEO of terror group al-Qaeda, was killed by Joe Biden, let me walk you through my own story of love, lust and betrayal. On the fateful night of 31 July, just as I was getting ready to enjoy a hot stone massage in my balcony, I was hit by a missile out of nowhere. Next thing I know, I had left this world with no happy ending. Such is life. Well, there are no happy ever afters in this or any other world.